Who you are

God,

You stole my heart. But I keep trying to take it back again. To do what I want with it. Pass it around for everyone share. Then the storm rages. I lose sight of where you are. Who you are. How beautiful you really are. I always knew you loved me. And how much you loved me. But I never understood how much I could love you back. I never knew that you could be a friend. I never knew until I lost everything... that you were everything. You could be everything. You are everything. I never knew what loving you meant. What it looked like. I guess I had never really seen. So I learned for myself.

I saw you . I talked with you and you spoke back. I could almost hear your "I love you" with the sunrise that morning. The tree I saw that day. The stars that night. The silence. The city. I have learned that you're everywhere. I just never payed attention. I never listened. But it is beautiful, I just thought I would let you know. Because you are beautiful also. More than beautiful, actually.

But now I ask for so much. Sometimes I trust. But I also know that sometimes I don't. I know you have a plan... but am I really ok with it? What if it's not what I want? Am I really ok with that or do I just say that I am? Because I dont know. I want to be ok with it. But I dont even know my heart sometimes.

I know I have to be patient. I am getting better, right? I am trying. Sometimes I just want to hear your words of affirmation. Then I realize that I just need to open my bible for that. You wrote your love down for me. It's always there. I never have to work for it. I never have to search for it. I never have to wait for it. I never have to cry for it. I never have to wonder if it's there. Wonder if you're there. Wonder if you love me back. Wonder if you will leave me. I really like knowing that you wont.

I have to keep my focus. Because I'm trusting you. It's hard sometimes. I know you know that. Because obviously I mess up a lot. You know me. You know what I struggle with... Please help me... I know you do and will.

So that leads me to this. I can't control it. I don't really want to. Well, in all honesty, I guess in my flesh I do. But I know deep down that I can't. And that it will only end up wrong, messed up, and Confusing if I try. So take it. Give me patience. Keep my focus. Keep my thoughts.

I want you to be first. I want to learn how to love you so I can love someone else. I want to learn how you love me so I can show love as closely resembled to your love as I can humanly do.

Please steal my heart again. Take it. Don't let me claim it back again. I want you to be the one to chose who to share it with.

I am alive. I know you have an amazing purpose for me just because of that fact. Why me?

I love you.