I run to you

Life is so strange. Why does it have to be hard? Why does it go so perfectly sometimes but those are the times that it seems to go so quickly... when it's hard it just seems to drag on and all you can think about is the future and getting to a better place.

I dont say that because that's how I feel right now... well... not necessarily. I would say that I dont consider right now to be the highlight of my life. But maybe that's my problem. Maybe it should be. I mean... shouldnt here and now be what we live for?... Not to say that you throw precaution out the window because consequences come tomorrow... but God tells us not to worry.. he also tells us not to dwell on the past... So that leaves right now. We plan for the future... and we ask forgiveness for the past... but both of those things require a little bit of thought about the future and the past but that's it... the majority of life is... now.

I guess i'm rambling because i'm tired... It is 1:15. So I guess I should be tired.

Today I went hiking in Springfield and it was pretty much a blast. I wish I could go all the time. I wish I lived someplace where I could do that often.

I hate how you become friends with someone and then something happens and you just never talk with them again. I have had that happen with so many friends in the past... someone I meet in welcome week or youth group and then years down the road you see them again and they dont even acknowledge you. I guess that's kind of different than someone that just stops talking with you all together. Especially when you dont really know what happened... but you cant ask because the communication is gone. I hate losing a friend but I guess you just get over it and move on when there is nothing you can do about it.

Life has been hard this last week. I know it will get better. But it's so hard to let go of control of my future... it's a constant struggle. I really lean self control when life goes this way.

I had a guy tell me that when he turns 35, if were both single than we will just get married. Haha... just what I want... to be someone's back up plan.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. plans to give you hope and future" Jer. 29:11

I spent about 6 hours the last 2 days learning new songs on the guitar... Lady Antebellem has been in my head... I learned "I run to you"... it's one of my new favorites. I want to sing it. Too bad I dont sing in front of people (well... except my parents, Ty, and my roommates) so I could never sing it with someone... Haha...

Way too much on my mind.

Well Hi there! (To anyone out there reading this)... I really dont think anyone does read this... but if you are out there reading this and you think to yourself "Hey! I am reading this!"... then hopefully you enjoy reading this. I enjoy writing this. Hopefully there is a little more usefulness in this than just me aimlessly typing away... Hopefully it's at least fun to read.. or maybe encouraging...?....

Well, It's been quite the day! Today Equality Ride (gay, lesbian, trans, bi, etc.) came to our school to debate the moral issue of homosexuality. It was very interesting... There was too much said to go into detail here.

Then I went to play Bingo at the assisted living home here in bolivar.. that was so much fun. I just love sitting and talking with people. I think that a lot of the time people are intimidated or scared to talk with older people because they are scared of what to say. I think it is such a blast to just sit and talk about random things. We talked about square dancing, swing dancing, riding horses to school, WWI, WWII, and bolivar 50 years ago. Haha...

So ... God has really been working in my life the last few days. I dont really know what the purpose of things that he has been showing me or what the end result is (I dont know that we ever will know that... even when we think we "arrive" to the end...) but I think that its something pretty cool... or at least I am trusting that it is.

So some pretty crazy things that I feel like sharing (Some of this is from the book Crazy Love)-

I have really been praying about going to Guatemala next January. I really had closed my heart to the idea of any mission trips through SBU because of prior experiences but I felt like God was really laying that trip on my heart the last few days... so I guess we will see where this goes.

"The critical question for our generation - and for every generation - is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?".... wow

I love love. I really desire love... but isnt that how God made us? To desire this relationship with Him as we desire all genuine love relationships? Isn't that what brings him glory - when believers desire him and are not merely slaves who serve him out of obligation?

How come it is so hard to honestly say and live the words of Psalm 63: 1-5

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you."

I dont think the solution is to try harder to muster up this "love" towards God that doesnt show in our every day lives. When loving God becomes obligation, one of the things we have to do, we end up focusing even more on ourselves.... focusing more on ourselves to achieve the goals we set for ourselves.

The answer lies in letting Him change you.

I need God to help me love God more.

If I need God to help me love Himself (Holy and sinless) more... then how much do I need God to help me love others (sinful and fault-filled) more?

"Imaging going for a run while eating a box of Twinkies. Besides being self defeating and sideach-inducing, it would also be near impossible - you would have to stop running to eat the twinkies. In the same way, you have to stop loving and pursuing Christ in order to sin."

Whew.. that's a lot of stuff that Ive been thinking about...

Well... off to get stuff done.